she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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