Non-Jews are for practice
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Randomize
