Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
