I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
