I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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