i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
