His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
