Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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