Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
