It's Friday. Sex?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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