I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
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