She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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