Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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