She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
COCAINE IS GR8
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
