All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
