my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
