She's JV to your varsity
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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