1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
