I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
