If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
