I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
