Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
All I want is dick and wine.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
