Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
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