My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
