His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
