My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
