i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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