It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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