Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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