I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
