I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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