Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
