Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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