I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
