Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
