how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
