I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
