just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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