On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
