Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
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I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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