FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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