Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
