I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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