two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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