I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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