you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
