I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
