EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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