it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
