When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Randomize
