If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
