Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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