She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
