It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
