Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
