I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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