hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize