I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
