When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
