Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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