i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
