we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
