literally had 100 drinks last night.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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