what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I currently don't understand fingers.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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