So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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