I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize