I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
