the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
