his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick lei will go down in squad history
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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