I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
