Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I wish my penis had an off switch
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
