did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I puked a lego.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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