i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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