yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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