At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
