soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
