If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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