ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
