You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
