She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
