Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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