so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
