Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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