I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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